Monday, November 06, 2006

Japanese love hotels

Harry Hutton explains. Here's an extract:
As soon as I hit the money I'm going to buy a ROTATING round bed. I'll get my servants to lay out trays of snacks around the edge. Then, instead of having to stand up to get food, I can lie on my bed and take snaps at it as I rotate past.

And I'm definitely going to get a mirrored ceiling. Consider the advantages: while you are having sex of yourself you can check that your hair is still looking stylish, and perhaps trim your moustache. It allows you to look your best, no matter how frantic the debauchery. And if there is a ninja hiding behind the curtains, plotting a surprise attack, you can spot him before it's too late. "You there! Come on out, you little bleeder. The game is up." (Don't forget to confiscate his fighting sticks, or he'll be back, mark my words.)

Tip from me: there will be several channels of free filth on the TV; do not touch this as it will cause a row with your girlfriend and, at several dollars a minute, the very last thing you want is any kind of conversation breaking out. They?ll charge you an extra hour.


cristi said...

hmmmm, i dunno hey...more could definitely be added to this fantasy. I'm surprised there's only one girlfriend. surely his most frantic debauchery may require several women. And snacks? the second i hear snacks, i think "whats to drink?"

I like how he handles the ninja tho, very classy.

cristi said...

also, i've pondered over your theory about how everyone should just live in same sex digs, and have casual sex with strangers, instead of having relationships involving feelings and domestic hassles.

One problem, less attractive folks might not get much out of that arrangment. infact, they have a better chance of regular sex, if they can find a long term partner. it's much easier to trick 1 person into loving you, than it is to trick many people into sleeping with you (not sure what I mean by 'trick', "ooh, i lost my contact, i can't see, please could you look for it, i think it's in my bed, it's easier to feel for it if you're naked").

cristi said...

p.s. it's prob important to let other readers know that stuart was probably joking when he came up with casual sex theory. sinister grin and sarcastic tone suggests that he didn't mean it....did he???

stuart said...

several women would be better, but he hints at budget issues.

Perhaps the bed could have cup holders?

I don?t really see why it?s a problem; ugly people would just have to work harder so they could afford what they wanted. Besides I didn?t claim it was the answer for everybody. Something doesn?t have to be perfect to be better.

stuart said...

sinister grin and sarcastic tone?